Since our early childhood days, we had been taught to always aim “big”. ‘Dream big kids, the sky is your limit’, our moms and dads would always say, “I want to have a big house”, “I want to have a big car”,” I want to have a big amount of fan followers”, “I want to be successful big time”, etc. were the things we would tell our peers, parents, relatives and anyone who asked us what do you want to do in life?
However we quite failed to define what this “big” actually meant, and consequently in our race to pursue this “big” dream, we chased nothing but an empty space occupied by an undefined idea. We were so blinded by this idea of “big” that everyone and anyone would want to do things that were big, and however continued to ignore the small things that counted.
The same goes for love, when we fall for someone we always have a very vague idea about how it would happen, thanks to Bollywood, majority of us have always imagined of love as this big thing. Where songs play in background, where everything happens in slow motion while the lovers meet amidst the beautiful scenery of Switzerland. See big idea of love again!
When in love we aim to do great things for our better half or the person we have feelings for, there is nothing wrong in that, but we often forget the small things that count.
What are these small things? And why do we undervalue them? It is not our fault as it is something that comes in built. For example proposing someone for marriage is always considered something like a big step, but what after that? Does our love end with this big step?
What if I tell you every step in a relationship is the one which makes all the small steps big, the way you do it and how you do it counts, again it need not be big. Just a good morning text, with a have nice day, or I love you can make your lovers day. And don’t do this occasionally make sure its everyday, because that makes the other realize how their day starts with you. Well there is nothing cheesy about it. Followed by a goodnight, even if the two of you haven’t spoken the whole day, because it shows that no matter how busy you two are, your day ends with thoughts about each other.
There are many small things that we ignore but they count, trust me it can vary from saying “you look great” even if your partner is a total disaster, a small hug when they feel low, a cup of coffee when you see them distressed, a stroll in the park when you think he/she is having a bad day. And even sometimes just listening to what they have to say about the horrid experiences of the day. Cooking your lovers favorite meal, it does not have to be restaurant quality, the amount you spend on it and your concern is all that matters, however, girls and guys out there, do appreciate when your partners make a special effort for you, they might not be master chefs, but however they love you too much to make such an effort. Even when ordering food sometimes compromising what your better half or your lover wants to have for your choice might be a small step, but shows your care for the other and their happiness.
Appreciation does not necessarily mean lying all the time, or reciprocation, while guys have a hard time being expressive trust me as easy as it looks it is not easy for girls either. Sometimes just saying I can’t believe you did so much for me, or what have I done to deserve you? Yeah this might sound cheesy, and might not be what you are trying to say, but when you say it the other might be on top of the world, on cloud nine, just happy they are appreciated by someone who matters.
We all are not billionaires, that we can afford all the five star restaurants for dates, sometimes a stroll on the beach along with eating “bhutta” or roasted corn can be a very romantic experience, or for that matter ice “golas” or ice candies, when both of your tongues are nothing but a colorful rainbow, and you just laugh at each other. Sometimes a power cut can be a great excuse not for grumbling but a candle light dinner at home, yes it might be 40° Celsius, outside but its great excuse for date at home, no matter what age you are.
A cup of tea early in the morning together, or coffee, keep your newspapers aside for god’s sake, and just talk. Trust me the world can survive without you not acknowledging what happened for a couple of minutes. Make a no phone policy when with your partner, you might be VP in some hot shot bank or even some very important minister, or the most popular one in your college gang. But when your with them make sure your just with them, because they are your special ones, this does not mean a total give up on your phone, that would mean toppling down of your world, but just surrendering it when you two want to share some quality time.
Fights can be “big”, but it is just the small steps which help you solve them, when I was a kid and mom and dad had a fight, no matter how harsh it got they would always set the dinner plate for the other, even when in their silent zone, just a silent reminder of how they care for each other.
Even if you are not married just a small question like, did you have dinner? Did you sleep well? How are you? It does not demean you, or is not beneath the self respect, and trust me, do not confuse your initiation for sorting out the fight as a question of hurting your ego, it is not. It just shows you’re a more mature person then your partner. Never make fun of your partner’s weakness, not everyone is perfect, you might be better at something than them, help them rise, don’t demean them, relationship is equality, don’t demean their incapability, but appreciate their capabilities.
Hence these might just be small things but they have a long lasting impact, however this does not mean that you do not give big surprises to your better halves or anyone you love for that matter, but only when you don’t crave or do it for something in return remember it is only love when its selfless, I know the idea seems too utopian for this selfish and pragmatic world, but hey who said love was ever so easy, because if it is not selfless it is not love and hasn’t Bollywood actually taught us love is not logical, it truly is not, because it is made of feelings, and searching for logic in feelings would be like searching for a needle in a haystack.
“To be brave is to love unconditionally, without expecting anything in return” – Madonna