“Mommy, I don’t want to go to school today” said my little daughter, Safiya.
“Baby, dad will come next week then you have to take holidays, so go this week and then we all three will enjoy the next weekend together with daddy“
After saying this to her, she became so happy to hear the news that in just 7 days her dad will be home, it has been a year since she last saw him. When she was all ready to go to school, I went to my closet to find myself a dress to wear for work today. The bell rang, and I went down to open the door. I thought it must be my neighbor, to come on to check on me. But to my consternation, Mohit, my husband was at the door. I was just standing there gawking at him. “How could he be here today, there is still a week left for him to come home.”
All these thoughts were rushing into my head. I was not able to retrain myself from touching him, to feel the warmth of his body and realize that this is not the dream that I had last night.
“It is you; you know I dreamt of this last night.” I said.
“How could my queen dream of something and I would not make it a reality. I missed you a lot” he said.
“I missed you too” by saying this line I was not able to hold back my tears. It has been a year since we shared our time together. Since the three of us went for a movie and dinner and were a perfect family. I missed him a lot sometimes; I would cry myself to sleep feeling the desolate space on bed, longing for his touch and consolidation. But seeing him on the door in his olive drab uniform with stars on his chest makes all that time worth it.
Yes, Mohit is a SOLDIER; he serves the nation, leaving me and his 7-year-old daughter all alone. But both he and I are proud of this fact that while he is gone he is serving the nation. There are times when I wish I could tuck him in his blanket and put him to sleep every night. There are times when I wish he wouldn’t be a soldier. There are times when I want him to leave it all and come back home to me and our daughter. But then when I look at him and I know that this whole time without him was worth seeing him on my door with his sandy boots hugging me like his life depended on me. To have my eyes watered with tears of pride, and see him kiss our daughter and making up for all the time that he was not here.
The time that he is with us remains in my memory which is cherished by both me and Safiya. The time that he is with us is never enough to make up for the times he was not.
After 2 days, I got up from my bed and saw him wrapped around in the blanket and enjoying an amicable sleep, after an astounding family night. He looks so placid when he is away from all the hassle of war and duty. I wish I could make him stay with me forever just the way we are now. Thinking these thoughts I went to the door and found a letter. I opened to read it, and all my dreams shattered in that same moment.
I could not hold back the knot formed in my throat, and the tears in my eyes. He came from behind me to take the letter from my hand; he didn’t need to read it. He knew he had to go and his time home was a precise. He was called back and his leave was suspended immediately as we were expecting a WAR.
When he is gone there is emptiness in life I cannot cumber up to define in words. The word WAR scares the shit out of me, and I panic on watching any news channel, keep on checking his location to know that everything is right at his end. But it is really difficult to have it all together when my husband is miles away working on the most dangerous projects for months end or even more, joining us just by his voice.
But there is one thing that I know about him and that NATION is and always will be before me and our daughter. And I am fine with that as long as I could instill the same values in my child. I am fine until he is the subject of my prayer at the beginning and end of the everyday.
When you fall in love with a soldier and the pain of separation and insulation comes with it, but it does not make us hesitant. Blissful, courageous, passionate, patient, honest and real, that is how our love is…and always will be.
From- An Army Man’s Wife