Being in a long distance relationship is tough and most of them end in heartbreaks because it’s just easier to give up. Loving from afar sounds like a very romantic concept, but the truth is far from romantic.
Man, in general, is a very shallow creature. Man craves love and attention, and man craves to be shown that love, to feel cared for. If you’ve ever been in love, then you know how important intimacy is, both physical and emotional. Spending time, talking to your partner about everything in your life, making silly memories, public displays of affection, private displays of affection; all these things constitute a major part of your relationship.
Having a huge geographic distance between you and your partner makes life really difficult for both of you. You don’t know what to do with your time anymore, because you used to spend most of your time with your partner in the past. You miss them, you feel lonely. You see other couples and you envy how they can be together while you’re so far away from them. And there’s only so much you can do over the phone, especially if you have different work schedules or you live in different time zones.
However, your love for your partner should be a motivation for you to hang on, and here are a few tips to help you survive, and even strengthen, your long distance relationship-
Effective communication in a long distance relationship is paramount. This is the only thing currently that you can do with your partner in the relationship, so make sure you do it well. Be familiar with your partner’s schedule and keep some time aside to talk to them when both of you are free. Send them cute messages throughout the day even when you’re busy to let them know that they’re on your mind. Use different media of communication to keep things interesting- call them, use Skype and Snapchat, send them memes on Instagram or send them handwritten love letters once a month.
RESOLVE YOUR ISSUES ASSERTIVELY
Arguments and misunderstandings are an inescapable and inevitable part of any relationship, but it becomes worse if you are away from your significant other. It is important to ensure that you don’t leave your issues unresolved. If they have done something that bothered you, even if it’s a small thing, make sure to let them know right on the spot in a calm, controlled manner. Clear out all your misunderstandings, and don’t let any loose threads hanging. Small things pile up and can make your relationship toxic. Avoid a big argument by resolving every small issue between the two of you. This will prevent things from becoming ugly and unresolvable in the future, and also make sure your partner knows exactly what you expect out of them and out of the relationship.
LEARN HOW TO LIVE APART
One of the worst changes that come with distance is that you don’t know what to do without them. It’s important to learn how to have a life without them, and how to be happy and busy even when they’re not there. Spend time with family and friends, find some new interests to pursue, meet new people, visit new places. Use this distance as an opportunity to discover yourself, and then tell your partner about all that you did. Don’t mope around feeling sad and lonely all the time. This will not just make you unhappy, but may also sour things up between you and your partner, especially if you see that they can be happy without you.
STOP BEING INSECURE
Insecurity is a bad thing in general and this advice applies to all relationships, not just LDRs. But it becomes even harder to let your insecurities go in long distance relationships because you can actually be near your partner to verify their fidelity. Trust is extremely important in your relationship. You need to realize that your partner is your partner because you’re the one they love and you’re the one they want to be with of their own free will. However, they are allowed to have a life that does not include you and have friends of their own. If you can stop being insecure about them not giving you 100% of their time or them hanging out with friends of the other gender, you will not only save yourself a headache, but you will also cut down the number of arguments you have with your partner.
AVOID DANGEROUS SITUATIONS
Look, you are alone, and you WILL get distracted every once in a while, even if you’re head over heels in love. Don’t feel guilty if you do, it’s just human nature. But you need to remember that you have to be accountable not just to yourself but also to your partner. So don’t go ahead and do something you know your partner isn’t comfortable with. If you know he’s not comfortable with you hanging out with a certain guy till late at night, don’t do it because he’s not there. There’s a reason for his concern so you should respect that, or if you really have to do something like this make sure he knows about it so that he can be reassured and you can avoid any unwanted temptation. Same goes for the men too!
MAKE EFFORTS TO GROW TOGETHER
When you are together, both of you grow as two people together, but when you live apart, you tend to grow as a person individually. When this happens, an emotional rift starts slowly building between the two of you. Many a time this rift is the reason why many people in long distance relationships break up. So make sure that both of you make efforts to grow together. But how to go about it? It’s pretty simple. Just maintain good communication with your partner. Share with them all that you did throughout the day, share with them all the new things that you tried. Try out something that they like and see if you like it too. For example, maybe there’s a new Tabata class that your partner is crazy about. Look for a Tabata class in your locality and give it a try. If you like it then you’ll have a new topic to talk about with your partner. If you don’t, well, don’t slander your partner about his tastes. Everyone is different!
SEND THEM TOKENS OF YOUR LOVE
Sending gifts is a great way to show them how much you love them. You don’t have to give them anything too extravagant or expensive, (although if you want to and can afford it then kudos to you!) If you are good at art, use your creativity to make DIY gifts for your partner and endear them with your ingenuity and your effort. You can also send them handwritten love letters, greeting cards, chocolates, bouquets; just about anything that will let them know you’re on their mind. The more personal the gift is, the better. But if I’m being honest, they will appreciate just about anything that you give them, because it will be made precious with your love.
VISIT THEM AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN
Nothing can compare to being together with your partner physically. So make plans to visit them as often as practically possible. If the distance is long, share the travel expenses amongst yourselves so that it isn’t a burden for you. After all, your visit is as important for them as it is for you. Plan your visit ahead of time so that it doesn’t inconvenience anyone, and book your tickets in advance. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you shall see this in action when you visit your partner after a long separation. When you meet after a very long time, both of you will ensure that you make every moment together as special as it can get. Reunions like these don’t just give you something to look forward to, but also motivates you to hang on and not give up.
CHALK OUT YOUR FUTURE
If your status is going to be “in a long distance relationship” for a long time, you need to sit down with your partner and talk. Talk about your future, what you want out of life, what they want out of life, your aspirations, their aspirations; everything. This is a very important step you need to take if you want to ensure that your relationship survives. Talk to your partner about where you want to take the relationship and make sure that they’re on the same page as you are. Maybe you are ready for marriage but they aren’t or they’re ready but you aren’t. Maybe both your future aspirations require you to relocate even further. All these things need to be talked about so that together both of you can chalk out a game plan to keep your relationship thriving and try to make compromises so that the two of you can be together.
Long distance relationships are hard, but when was ever loving another person easy? And honestly, a love story is never fun if there are no hardships in it. The secret is to face those hurdles instead of shunning away from them and giving your best efforts so that when the two of you marry and make beautiful kids, you can make them proud of you.