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Diary of a Broken Heart

I am the silence which is always broken by you, again and again, every time. Why do you do this? I hate you. I didn’t do anything then why? I want you to say me that you miss me. I always do so much for you, but in return, I don’t get what I deserve, no respect and no love. You are a wrong choice, I agree. I don’t have self-control and I always message you that’s why you always give me such tantrums. I thought that love will change my life, yeah it got changed but now it is not more than a hell. Every time I take a breath, I feel you. In my every dream, I see you. This is obsession or love, I don’t know. All I know is that I want you, I need you. I am waiting for your call in which you will say, ” oyeee so sorry cutaa”. But, I don’t think that I will get a call like this from you. I want us back. I miss you. I really do. I always spend time seeing your last seen. Why the hell all these fights are going on. What is happening to us? Why can’t we get together again? Why can’t we smile and start again? Why can’t we just stop and love again? I want a person who cares and love me just like I do. I know that you have no longer interest in me oops you never had, I guess. On that day when on Mahabalipuram beach you expressed all your feelings that how you are really afraid to lose me then, I really felt for you and I started to think that no, he also loves me but you always prove me wrong. Can’t you love me more, can’t you show some more interest in me? I am full of questions but no one is there to answer them. Otherwise, if you don’t feel such things then why can’t you leave me? Just leave me and finish this story. I seriously hate it. I want to feel that I am also important in your life. I love you, I always want to do but I want you to love me, to treat me well. That’s all I want from you. I don’t need your much time also; the just small amount of love is sufficient. If something else is going on in your life, if in case you are fed up with me or something else then simply say it to me. I will go back but don’t play with my feelings, please. I don’t want all this mess. I am a simple girl whose ambitions are crushed under your feet, I am not a crybaby too. I cry because I really get hurt. Hope you understand the pain one day when someone whom you will love treats you like this. I feel like breaking up with you permanently. I don’t know why I am behaving like this? What is happening to me? Why am I going through this? Why am I not enough strong to handle the pain? I don’t know how to overcome you. I want to hate you, I want to completely erase you from my memory. I want to forget that moment when I first met you and how I fell in love with you without even meeting you. Our deep and long conversations developed an instinct and your beautiful aroma wrapped me with this beautiful feeling. I remember our to-do list which we made to come closer and it was very crazy and cute. Eating maggi from the same plate was at first position in our list. Our love was so innocent and then the tables turned as nothing lasts forever. All the promises of staying together faded away. You cheated me too with your childhood love. I was completely broke. I cried and sobbed as the rainbow of my life vanished. You treated me so harshly but then also like a fool I accepted your apology and came back to you again as you promised me that you won’t do this again. But you didn’t change rather our love changed and it just became one sided love. Am I the only one who still wants us back? You again killed my inner soul. As only one class can be in common between us as we are from different branches but for that class too you said no. Our that particular class is adjacent to each other’s class. What do you want? You want me to face you daily and to kill myself again and again by seeing you in another class? How will I stop my heart from beating so heavily when I will see you smiling? How will I console myself? Yesterday, I saw you twice in the college but none of us tried to talk to each other. I thought that it’s God’s sign because it never used to happen before. That’s why I killed my ego and moved first step toward you by trying to have a chat with you on WhatsApp but you clearly said that you are happy without me and enjoying your life like this. Now, what can I do? Do I need to become a machine so that I lose all my feelings and then no can break my heart because it’s already broken? Is there no value of trust and love in our society? Why is everyone so selfish? Your one smile always breaks my determination to stay away from you. Leave all this, moto now it’s over. I will become strong so that you won’t come again and will break me as always. Everyone has wings to fly but we just need to realize our potential and just leave everything on God. Flying like a free bird who is away from all these games of feelings is my motto now. I will love myself more and will just lose myself in the new world of dreams. I will start a new life again.


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