Infidelity is not the end

Unsplash / Pixabay

Rushing through the corridors of my college basement, I was desperately looking for the lecture hall for first year students, and then suddenly I collided with him. As soon as our eyes matched I realized that my brain can’t do any mistake regarding him. Soon I was flooded with the memories that we cherished. The electric jolt after touching him spread to whole of my body, exactly like it used to be in the earlier times.

Someone’s voice woke me up to the reality- lecture# late# first day. Without saying a word, I got away from him and saw my lecture hall and rushed towards it. This all was such a surprise to me that I was still shaking, but somehow cumbered up the courage to turn my head once to confirm what I saw was actually real or not? It was and he was also not able to believe his eyes, and they were penetrating deep inside of me. It was very much real, it was him- the first ever man I fell in love with, probably the last.

Lying in bed away from the daily hustle bustle of college with intertwining fingers of ours hands as well as leg, in this extreme cold environment we somehow remembered the day we met after spending a century long year apart from one another without any contact or information about each other.

This all must be a little perplexing for you, but it’s quite simple, I and Yash shared the same tuition classes in a very diminutive area, so practically everyone knew everyone. We kind off harbored secret infatuation for one another but never had the courage to accept it. Everyone in our batch knew but we seemed oblivious to the fact that we both mutually like each other. There was something about him that that I just adored, may be the way he walked, he talked, that smile that strikes up on his face every time his friend makes a joke.

Unsplash / Pixabay
Unsplash / Pixabay

And then we fell apart, never to see each other again for a year, I went to Delhi for the coaching without telling anyone. I deactivated my Facebook account, and thus lost all my contact with any friend I had from my tuition classes.

Now you already know about the day we met each other again. I still don’t have the words to actually define how I felt at that fastidious moment. May be it was the most euphoric moment for me until today, only to reach a point when whole of my world shattered right in front of my eyes, never to be able to get back to its germinal form, or so I thought.

It’s not easy to see the love of your life, dejecting you to be with someone else when you thought this all was very much veridical to you. It’s really difficult to be neglected by the guy who put you first till today. You start questioning your credibility, your love. You knew exactly what you had; you just thought you will never lose it. And then one day they are gone, and you are left alone in this mean world denounced by the one person you were ready to take a bullet for, only to see him standing behind the gun.

There is a point in a relationship when you just know that something is awry, the same way I did. Even after asking him, he didn’t said a single world rather than making me feel worse about me. But I knew this was all falsity, and then when the reality came in front of my eyes when I questioned him the impervious, to which he confessed.

He was cheating on me with a girl he met at a wedding; they have been talking from a while. All the times when I wanted to talk to him, but he was diligent, those frivolous excuses, annoyed attitude, everything haywire had a meaning, which I was not ready to accept, not yet. I was in denial, but my body knew.

But he realized his mistake a little too early, but quite late if seen from my side. My perfect little world has shattered into million pieces; by the person I never thought has the audacity to hurt me. His apologies didn’t have any effect on me. They were as useless as “ueue” in queue.

But one night when we were together, and his head was on my lap, his tears wetting the surface of my jeans, making it cling to my skin, begging me not to leave him and to give him another chance, they hit a chord in my heart which was untouched till today.

I did what most of girls in my position will never thought of doing. “Forgive and forget” is quite easy to advice but probably the hardest to follow. Never in my life did I cursed my sharp memory, because forgetting is the hardest thing in the goddamn world, when everyday you are reminded of the infidelity of your spouse. He didn’t just break my heart he broke our future.

Relationship is like a house, when a light bulb burns out, you don’t go and buy a new house; you fix the light bulb. That’s what exactly I did. In the beginning it was like walking on burning coal, but later on the pampering, apologies, repentance made it a little better.

Time does have the power to heal everything”, so it did. May be wounds never heal properly own their own, but with a good medicine they will. His love worked like a medicine and healed the wounds. Now, it’s been a year since this happened but whenever we are alone we think of the times we first met and how we reached to this irrevocable state of our relationship, and not of the time of his infidelity.

Living with one person for this long time makes you get used to the person. May be this was the case with me. But whatever it was, today I am very glad that I took this decision. It is very easy to destroy everything and move ahead, and the most difficult to actually own up to the mistakes of your spouse and forgive him and still be together and remain oblivious to the fact he once betrayed you. “Everyone can take an easy way out, but it takes courage to follow the least exposed part”, I had the courage may be you have it too.

Infidelity is not the end.