Joy,
It’s been quite a long time, I was lying in bed with my eyes wide open. Yet, I have tried to sleep. I realized, your mother and father are still awake, by the sound of their footsteps. Your mother was drinking water for quite a number of times.
For last three years the situation of our house is like this. Their footsteps diminishes, the old age and off course the stress and evil thoughts make them tired and they sleep. And yes, for a little while the get peace. But, I don’t even get that much sleep. If I take sleeping pills I get drowsiness and that too lasts for few hours. I have been accustomed to sleepless nights. What a deep sleep feels like I perhaps have forgot. But then look at the irony, people used to scold me both at my father’s place and your place for I used to sleep more.
Now everyone is asleep. Babua is now in deep sleep, so now I came down the bed and sat in front of the table.
That blue colour table lamp, which we bought together.. I just lighted up that and sat to write this letter to you.
Only after few hours, I will get to see you. You will be behind the bars. When you will be taken to the police van, I will manage to hand over this letter to you.
Last Sunday night was also similar to this, but the difference was we had certain excitement in that night, rather we had hope. We thought, the judge will declare that you are not guilty. You are not related to that dirty case. May be that lady will accept that in the eve of New Year, she was wrong to identify you that you abused her physically. I hoped all these because you continuously said me that you were not present at that spot, that day. You drank too much and for that you stayed back at your friend, Neel’s place. Aktar, Sanjay, Ragav left the place and you did not know what happened next and police is doubting you, because you were with them before. I trusted you, rather I was forced to trust you, because I didn’t know any other way.
The person whom I have loved, the person of whose child’s I am the mother and it is not possible to belief that, the person had raped a helpless lady in mid night even if I see that happening in front of my eyes. And for all these I thought maybe you will be proved innocent, maybe we both will come back with a smiling face, and the next day me and your mother will go to the temple.
But nothing happened like this. I don’t understand the difficult procedure of law, but I definitely understood, that day you were present at that spot and you have raped that helpless lady and I don’t have a pinch of doubt in it. The judge have received the proof and for that he declared you guilty along with them.
I have heard from the lawyer, that minimum punishment for you will be 10 years of jail and maximum will be life time jail, but you won’t be hanged.
For last three years I went to jail to meet you, but I did hide few things from you, because I thought when you will recall these after coming back from jail, these words will hurt you. For all these me and your mother and father not used to tell you about what condition we are going through. Your mother and father won’t tell all these even now, because for them it is impossible to hurt their son. But today, I won’t stop myself telling these to you.
When you were arrested, Babua was just three. And we were supposed to admit him to school. We both wanted him to get admit to Snt Jhosephs. When you heard I admitted him to Holy Academy you said me “Why not Snt jhosephs?” I replied to you, ‘”We are not doing well financially now, when you will return we will change the school.”
That day I had lied to you. Snt Jhosephs did not take Babua. No, not for his fault. It was for you. On the day of his interview I was asked what was the reason for your absence and i said them the truth. They said they can’t admit any child of such family background because this might leave a bad impact on other children. I was not surprised by this, because the headmistress from the kinder garden had said me not to send our son any more.
Smart and enthusiastic kid, yet no school is taking him, because his father had raped a lady. Do you remember Sangita? My childhood friend? She is now the principal of Holy Academy. After much discussion, she helped me to admit Babua to Holy Academy. If she would have been not there, maybe Babua would never get chance to study in school. We didn’t lack financially because we get more than enough from your business, and I too earn.
Good luck! I have a central government job, if it would have been private then I would have lost the job even. But now-a-days I don’t want to go to the work place. People used to say I am beautiful. I used to take pride of that. But now I realized what is the use of a lady of being beautiful ,when her husband molests a helpless lady in mid night? Most of my colleague console me. Others especially the male colleague pokes me indirectly asking what actually happened at that night? What did you do with that lady that night? Till what extent did you go? After hearing all these things I do not feel good rather, I do not feel well. But I can’t leave my job, because I want to see Babua stand in his life.
When I said at my home that I want to marry you no one did agree that you know very well. This is not a big matter, this happens in many cases. Then after Babua was born my mother and father could not hold back and everything became normal. But I did not tell you, that, the day you were accused my dad called me up and said that I should not step his house again because if they keep any relation with me then it will be difficult for them to find a boy from good family for Riya and Rupa. That day I shouted at him and said you are not at fault and you will be back very soon and after that I won’t step to his home even if he calls me again.
My dad understood that day that I am holding a false hope and he said me he too hopes the same. Then again on this Monday my mom called me and I could hear just the sound of her weep. I did not speak a single word. And I understood I really can’t step that house any more. I don’t blame my mom and dad for these for even your family members had stopped talking to us. But for the first few days many people used to ask different types of questions. Many people used to call. Many used to come to our house. Tina aunty had directly came from America to our house after hearing the news. Your mother did not used to come out of the room and your dad used to go out for their dirty questions. And I was the only one to face their questions. Tina aunty had directly said that she feels you knew that lady beforehand.
Sometimes I used to feel to throw them out of our house. But after Monday none did call us again. May be they think it won’t be safe to keep any contact with us. None of our neighbors talk to us. Thanks to God that we have a house of our own if it was hired then we had to leave this even area.
Our maid still comes to work. On Monday she said me “If any other lady would have been there in your place then she would leave the house and go.” She also mentioned that your mother and father are lucky to get such a daughter in law.
Babua is just six now, he can’t understand all these. Maybe he does something as no one plays with him and hence he doesn’t want to go out to play.
Joy I don’t want to make his life hell. I have applied for my transfer and I am leaving this place. Where I am going I am desperately not going to write. But before I leave I will tell your mother and father because they will be alone. I wanted to take them along with me. They did not agree. I will come to meet them ones or twice in a year. For them you are not to be hanged is a matter of relief. And with that they want to stay. But you know what when I think you are still alive a vive of pain and hatered flows in me.
One more thing to say if I had a pinch of doubt that you did not do this, then I wouldn’t have come to this decision. I would have waited for you my life time to return. But now I don’t have any doubt. I know you raped her that day. That day you did not remember my love and Babua’s face and hence, this is the end of my wait.
You are in jail and it is not possible to stay well for feel good there. So I am not wishing you those.
From,
Samriddha.