That first crush

Sneaky glances at his perfectly chiselled face. Quick to avert your gaze once he sets his eyes on you. And boy who was a close call, you let out a loud sigh. A crimson blush would creep up on your cheeks, threatening to explode your body of all the accumulated heat. Why does he have that power over you, you chide yourself mentally, hating every fibre of your being. Why does being in the same room as that guy hitch you breathe, constricting your chest in the process?

You ache for the moment to see his gigantic frame cascade you with his comfortable shadow. Waiting for the corners of his mouth to quirk up and flash that brilliant smile at you. It doesn’t matter if it is for the thousandth time! That genuine smile which glistens his eyes is what you love.

Imagine what his luscious locks would feel like when you run your hands through them and burn with jealousy when another person gets the opportunity to do so. Ever wonder how soft his lips would feel when you trace the contours of it! Feathering over them and decide that it would be even better when they come crashing down yours instead. Forever drown in the depths of his dark eyes, like two massive black holes is all you want. Your heart breaks into a million pieces when he is far and does the same when he is near.

You ponder over how life would be like with him and yet fret about how foolish you are for your whimsical and girlish fantasies. Nevertheless, fantasies are all you have for you will never be able to confess your feelings to that incredibly beautiful person. You fumble like a pretentious idiot, everything you say rings like a lie to your ears and you cannot tell the difference anymore. The proximity would kill you in an instant and you know that all too well. You don’t trust yourself with words, scared of what you might speak to him when he asks you a question. So, you silently see, kicking yourself in your head for lack of self-control. You might think that everything you do reflects on your ability to impress that one person as he matters the most.

You become torn between the two feelings that ring through your erratic brain, love, and hate. So, you settle for something in between – a crush. Because you also hate how he makes you feel. However, it is one-sided and you know you are a complete imbecile for having developed these feelings in the first place. You loop him over and over in your head until you are entirely tired of his gorgeous face, only to snap in his presence, one last time. One last time, one last glimpse, one last goodbye.